相葉雅紀　大好き！！

this is bad. i need to confess...ive been watching kyle xy since last nite..and i still havent gotten over the whole initial obsession with kyle...hes just so sweet, naive sensitive - alot of things guys nowadays arent....and of course..i noe hes just a fictional character on tv...but let me fantasise...

so here i m..on the 2nd last episode of season 1...and i have to wait til later tonite to finish watching the season!!!urgh! but i did promise my mama to clean up my rm and stuff...and its been sitting here waiting for ages already!!!urgh...wait kyle..wait!

on the more practical side of watching kyle xy....watching the parenting in the series really made me think abt what kind of parent i am going to be to my kids...well..something happened to baobei dat made me think about it too...im just in awe at hw kyle's foster parents were handling him and their kids..and theres just one thing i really liked that his foster parents said...that they have to respect their kids and let them go out and make their mistakes...at the end of the day..they'll noe that their parents'll be there for them...and i totalli agree...it so fits with my 'throw me in a jungle and i'll survive somehow' theory (i always use that on my mama...cos she worries too much abt mi..being a girl and all...) i noe being mums u tend to over-worry yourself about your kids regardless of sex...but i think sometimes..just letting your kids make mistakes instead of sheltering them from making mistakes...is better....they learn faster..grow up faster..mature faster..and make them stronger in a way...sure..there'll b bruises and cuts and some broken bones and hearts (literally speaking here..) but hey! no one can stay un-hurt for their entire lifetime right?

not only that..i think trust is equally important as well....for parents to trust their kids (with a pinch of salt) and not to constantly doubt what theyre trying to do..i mean..cmon..if you kid's old enough to go to university...then they know their limits..when they shld sit back and when they shld dash forward...(and baobei..im nt just talking abt wad u told me this morn...im talking abt everything in general =D)...like my mama..she nags at me when she sees me in front of the laptop watching my videos and doing anything but reading my novels and studying...and i just tell her that i noe what to when to do it and how to do it so stop nagging...not like nagging will get me anywhere..except irritated..which doesnt exactly motivate the studying cell..just play hard, slack lots and study hard and lots to make up...(kinda my motto)...and...DESPERATION is really a good motivator...it hasnt failed me yet...

anyways...i hope i'll b a good parent when my time comes..(although my history with kids havent exactly been successful..loll!) i hope i can raise and treat them with the respect and trust kyle's on screen parents does with their kids..i hope i wont be too lenient or abusive or too temperamental or whatever..loll..which i can forsee will be the case...anyways...just a reflection..a nonsensical one though...

oh well..its on to cleaning my stuff out now...shall look forward to kyle xy again in another few hours time..(YAY! loll!)

and EEK! ive been so busy with kyle i havent even watched the latest VS arashi although its already on my computer!! SINFUL!

til then!

theres nth btr than family time...

its my niece's, nisha's 2 year birthday celebration...it was at her wonderous house all the way in yio chu kang or somewhere...its realli the kinda of house everyone would dream of living in (though no one in their right minds would wanna clean a hse THAT big)...lets talk about the hse first..

its a two storeyed dark brown wood themed hse...a wooden platform served as a sorta porch and lounging area with rattan like chairs and a soft beige two-seater sofa....at the corner u have a little pond where koi fishes swam in surrounded by pebbles black and white..

and then u have the actual house itself...a living room with beige themed sofas and a wide flat screen tv and dark brown wooden coffee table...then at the corner..a huge half window (kinda like the openings u'd see on an ice-cream van..the kinda of ice cream van u'd see on the beaches of Florida and not those scooter uncles we have here in spore) with a playhse, a little tent filled with balls and a mini kids slide...then u have a corner..where there is a dark brown antique-ish cupboard which is i think filled with the family photos etc (i dont exactly noe since i was busy hanging out with the kids at the toys area..loll!) then they made a little mini refreshments corner with drinks in a bucket and plastic cups...then we go up 2 mini steps and we have the dining area, with a dark brown table!!loll! its realli earthy themed....all dark browns, whites and beige colours...and then we have the stairs leading to the 2nd floor...

we have the bedrooms here...the kids' room and playroom, the parents' bedroom, the work room and a guest room...oh..and the toilet....let me tell u abt the toilet...(which i loved the most in my opinion)...there was a wall lengthed mirror!!!!how fantabulous is dat!!!and naturally...mi and my nieces went camera crazy in there...we stayed in there snapping away for at least 15mins while the rest toured the area...me..im content in the toilet...

and then we have the kids' room...lovely and spacious...abt the size of my actual bedroom..onli they have a play room attached to their bedroom..an actual room sized playrm...with lovely storage saving space cupboards frm Ikea and a lovely antique brown cupboard...

and i already have plans how i want to arrange and decorate my room when my brother moves out after he does his customary...oh boy...if i ever needed to write about a house in detail..i wld stay there..to accurately detail the house...

then i came back to reality when i reached home...its nth bad my hse...its just..small..but i dont mind it..nor do i realli blame my parents for nt being able to afford such a hse as theirs...everyone has their limits...and not everyone nd to live in such a hse to be happie...im fine with where i m...of course i wished i had such a hse..bt im okie with where i m now...loll!

and i watched this tv show...kyle xy...on tv..thgt it was rather interesting..so i searched up the series online and started watching it..and now i cant stop...im on episode 3 now..and im loving the whole innocent character kyle has at tis point...who wldnt love to have such an innocent guy by them? its hard to come by nowadays...oh well the video's finished loading now..so im going back to kyle..and that fantasy world of mine i like so much to hide myself in...

tata!

hey peeps. I have two pairs of F.I.R tickets to sell off. Anyone interested pls feel free to email me (hereinlies@gmail.com) or comment. sistic is selling cheapest at 68 bucks, and with the $2 sistic charge..it'll be $70 bucks for the cheapest tickets..im charging $55 per tic and $100 for a pair of them. Once again, interested parties pls contact me.thanks!

brought my elder niece to face shop today to see if there are any cleansers, toners etc that she might want to buy and dat suit her...and it has to be affordable..so i thgt perhaps face shop wld b good..since i have membership..and their pdts arent dat bad..no harm trying...

so she bought a mung bean facial cleanser, and some other anti bacterial fighting toner and moisturiser and some pimple cream..and a black sugar with honey exfoliating scrub...i on the other hand..bought a leave on mask...because im too lazy a person to use facial masks..(i wanna use them..but im lazy to..and when i actualli do..its because i do it on a whim..ahaha...its my super primming day..loll!otherwise its just the norm facial care regimes..)..was tempted to buy the aloe facial cleanser...but figured i cld sit on it cos i have 2 newly opened cleansers with me..it cld wait just a bit...i was aso VERY tempted to buy the orange flavoured lip balm..it smelt so gd! and dat shiny white eyeliner ive been eyeing for a very long time...but! i dont realli noe hw to apply it very well...and im lazy..so basicalli..yeah..loll! so i decided to sit on these items as well...since there is another like 1 wk to the GSS discount at faceshop...it cld wait another wk...spent abt 110 in total..so my elder niece gt a faceshop membership as well..there are so many facial things i wanna buy though!!!like the blackheads remover...the facial cleanser..the masks..hand moisturiser..boy..being a woman aint cheap..or easy...so many things to go through before we slp or step out of the hse...

on the topic of faceshop...im thinking of going to skin food and getting their red capsicum scrub....i tried their red capsicum patch...sppsed to like let u slim n tone ur body..bt then i dont noe if it wrks or nt...bt i like the heating menthol sensation..and it releases gas rather effectively(HAHAHAH!!!very bu ya to say..but then..ahah!)..so i thgt instead of getting the body patch (cos its quite ex...13 bucks for 2 patches) i cld get the scrub instead to try...their cappucino scrub is very tempting as well...very very yummy smelling definately...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t9-CS2v8wcc --> this guy's amazing..he cn imitate female voices darn well and hes gd a darn gd male voice as well...so mesmerizing...

ooh..watched dark knight yest with shaun and justin and shaun (justin's fren)...ahhaha! dark knight was fantabulous! heath ledger as joker was mind blowing!!!he was SO good! and christian bale...he was so effortlessly flamboyant and playboyish! i love dat side of him...

and during the movie..dat justin had to like give mi a shock TWICE in a row!!he leaned over to talk to mi n shaun and without knowing he was leaning nxt to mi..i turned my face and almost choked on my popcorn due to the proximity of our faces!grrr...and 2nd time round...he literalli placed his face right nxt to mine when he told mi aaron ackhart's role was two face...this time round i was more surprised than shocked..bt still the proximity of our faces are...too close for comfort...loll!mayb its his habit...and justin cld b a little noisy in the cinema..with his 'bitch' and 'wah lau dats so cool la!'...even though he didnt exactly shout it out...bt in a bloodie quiet cinema its like on speaker mode even if u just say it like u do normalli..loll!

anyway..gotta go!

just watched arashi's dance for 'move your body' on shounen premium...it is mi or does aiba-baby seem a little...un-genki? he didnt have much expression on his face while he was dancing..he looked rather tired...sick perhaps?hmm...poor baby..

bt then..for one love and my answer...he looked quite alright..did they film it on different days..or?

anyways..i love the hips shaking bit...five shaking hips are VERY distracting!loll...and that hand crossing hand clapping movements they did in one love....gayish..but nice..loll!

recap:

went out with baobei and ming n the gang for cartel breakfast..we were at cartel til like 12 plus!!!loll! sat arnd...chatting...eating cakes...etc etc..loll! then we roamed arnd a bit before going on our own ways..

saw tis nice bag at The Box...quite vintage-y...but a little ex for mi...its 36...decided to wait and sit on it just in case it turns out to be an impulsive buy...just like my last converse bag..i loved it..bt after i bought it..i realised it was more of an impulsive buy than anythin..so im nw waiting to sell it..loll! so i told baobei..lets sit on it..n if we realli still want it by the end of tis wk..then we'll get it if we have the means to..loll! but then i think most of my mind is made up alreadi..ahaha! *cant stop thinking about the bag!*

anyway...almost had a tiff with her..or did i?loll! we were sppsed to meet justin tml cos he wanted to mt up with us n it just so happened we're all taking time off...then he came to tell mi yest afternoon that he's taking time off on thurs instead cos he has smthg on on that day and i told her tis at nite when she came online...and guess wad..then she said mayb she doesnt want to take time off either cos its the last wk...and im like..u ask mi to take time off then u two pang seh mi...then she say its the last wk of our internship alreadi so she doesnt think she wants to take time off...and im like..that was wad i told u in the 1st place when u asked me to take time off..and u said nvm just take time off la then i aso take..n then nw just becos hes nt taking time off u aso dont want to take time off its like what the hell...then i said so if he doesnt take time off then u cnt take meh? n she was like bt in the 1st place is he ask me to take de what..n then she said 'aiya if u want to take then i take with u la' its said until like so bu kan yuan rite...n i was like pissed off by her tone n wad she said la...

1stly..dont use back what i told you...when she first asked me to take time off....i told her that it was the last wk of our internship alreadi take wad time off...then she said nvm la just take la...and so i agreed to...and then when she heard clement's nt taking time off, she uses tis argument back on mi..WHERE IS THE SENSE IN THAT? CAN U SEE THE IRONY/CONTRADICTION there!?

secondly, her tone when she said 'aiya if u want to take then i take with u la' is like so bu kan yuan...like im forcing her to take time off with me like dat...ure the one who asked mi 1st hello? and then its like..so what if he asks u to take time off in the 1st place n subsequently he's taking off on another day? since u've already asked me to take time off as well...isnt it norm to just say 'orh.okie lor..then we take time off la.' or 'okie lor. then he take on thurs lor.' is he realli THAT impt so as to make u wanna stick by him? am i that UNIMPORTANT to you?! as in...i dont noe if im being over dramatic here....but honestly....i dont get why you cant just take time off with me and not bother whether he takes time off or nt..cos either way..there are 3 of us...if one decides to take off another day there are still 2 ppl rite?so why the nd to fish out an excuse to say u dont want to take time off....n wads more..that same excuse was wad i told u the wk before when u asked mi to take time off?!

even if you say because u like him thats why u dont wanna take time off without him...thats nt a proper excuse even...since when in my short period of liking him did i ever exclude you from doin grp activities? and even if we were sppsed to go out and he cldnt make it did i suggest to cancel the activity?! so excluding me because u like him isnt even a legit enough reason la!

anyway...this incident is over alreadi...bt it still disheartens mi whenever i think back abt it...

 

am i not important to you?

 

 

this is some personality test i got off from one of the students' blog...thgt i'd give it a try.here goes:

Your view on yourself:

You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.

Really? Am I sweet?ahaha!but honest I am! Hmm...i try to be friendly to everybody...unless of course i start un-liking that person..ahaha!I dont like conflicts with my close friends..but im unlikely to back down from conflicts..because i like picking out loopholes and throwing it back in that person's face...loll!

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are not looking merely for a girl/boyfriend - you are looking for your life partner. Perhaps you should be more open-minded about who you spend time with. The person you are looking for might hide their charm under their exterior.

Like who seriously?I'm quite open minded in making friends...although i do tend to clam up at times...anyone wanna sign up?loll!

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

Really?loll!okie..i think i MIGHT be able to commit WHEN i meet the right person...but i dont believe i will know WHO exactly is the right person....or rather...what is 'THE RIGHT' person mean?

The seriousness of your love:

You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

hahaha....i am serious about relationships..and its not that im nt interested in wasting time with ppl i dont really like..its just..if i dont like that person..no point creating potential misunderstandings that i do..or if i know the person likes me..no point misleading him rite? once again..WHO IS THE RIGHT PERSON! (perhaps aiba-baby? =P)

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

yeah well..ideally that is..i do want to learn as much as i can..but then laziness tends to get in the way..either that or arashi gets in the way...loll!

The right job for you:

You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

Oh crap. yeah..i do have like plenty of dream jobs..but my career path is pretty much undecided because i dont know what im looking for and what suits me..i dont wanna end up doing something i dont like or enjoy..

How do you view success:

You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

no comments for this. perhaps i'll look back on this in 5 years time and then i'll comment.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

true..i dont like knowing i have no control over how things happen..call me a control freak..loll! but i dont think the 2nd sentence realli applies..my anger is mainly due to my ill tempered personality..ahaha!

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

hmm..i dont know.

More personality tests!!

1. You are a very serious person. You tend to be quiet and well behaved, and you don't have a great deal of self-confidence. You prefer to be alone rather than with friends and that could make you a little less interesting to certain types of guys. You are very attractive in an individual kind of way, and this means it can take people a little while to get to like you.
2. You really care about other people's feelings and are quite serious about the issues that affect your life. You are sincere, and your concern for the well-being of others makes many people want to be your friend.
3. You are a bright, cheerful and bubbly person. You are thoughtful and considerate, and like to have fun. Everybody feels comfortable around you because of your pleasant nature. When you walk into a room, people's eyes are likely to be drawn to you because of your charm.
4. Guys see you as being a thinker and a careful person. They will be really attracted to this quality in you, but you need to learn to speak your mind, otherwise people will find you too shy and quiet. Learn to relax and lighten up--it's okay to have fun sometimes. When you learn to develop your fun-loving side, guys are going to flock to your side.
5. Your boyfriend believes that you are a strong and independent person. Your confidence and cheerfulness make you an attractive person to be around, but sometimes you need to pay more attention to what other people, including your boyfriend, are thinking.

My personality love style:

You desire a love that will last forever. You are quite serious about finding this type of love, and that's why you think carefully about the men that you meet before deciding whether you could really love them. You don't just develop a crush on someone overnight: you look at a person's personality and other aspects of their life before deciding to form an attachment. If a guy doesn't meet your expectations, you would rather be alone. Your love has to be perfect. Be careful though, you could be missing out on some worthy relationships because your standards are so high.

How much I value my friends?

You value your friendships: 60%

You love your friends very much - so much so that it's actually quite a worry. You may not be able to cope very well when you do lose somebody's friendship. You are a very sensitive and fragile person, and are therefore likely to get upset easily. You care for your friends and are willing to do anything that they ask you to do. Sometimes this can make your friends think that you are a bit of a nuisance. Nevertheless, people do really love you because your highest priority is your friends.

My jealousy level:

Jealousy Level: 65%

You are a jealous person but you try not to let it show

You often get very jealous of others but you are successful at controlling your emotions publicly. When you feel that other people are winning things that you deserve, you get very upset, but you won't hurt anybody else by making a scene. Your jealousy is private. You might, for example, cry yourself to sleep at night when you get really jealous of someone. (point to note here: I wont cry myself to sleep at night when im jealous!!!!)

this is some personality test i got off from one of the students' blog...thgt i'd give it a try.here goes:

Your view on yourself:

You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.

Really? Am I sweet?ahaha!but honest I am! Hmm...i try to be friendly to everybody...unless of course i start un-liking that person..ahaha!I dont like conflicts with my close friends..but im unlikely to back down from conflicts..because i like picking out loopholes and throwing it back in that person's face...loll!

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are not looking merely for a girl/boyfriend - you are looking for your life partner. Perhaps you should be more open-minded about who you spend time with. The person you are looking for might hide their charm under their exterior.

Like who seriously?I'm quite open minded in making friends...although i do tend to clam up at times...anyone wanna sign up?loll!

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

Really?loll!okie..i think i MIGHT be able to commit WHEN i meet the right person...but i dont believe i will know WHO exactly is the right person....or rather...what is 'THE RIGHT' person mean?

The seriousness of your love:

You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

hahaha....i am serious about relationships..and its not that im nt interested in wasting time with ppl i dont really like..its just..if i dont like that person..no point creating potential misunderstandings that i do..or if i know the person likes me..no point misleading him rite? once again..WHO IS THE RIGHT PERSON! (perhaps aiba-baby? =P)

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

yeah well..ideally that is..i do want to learn as much as i can..but then laziness tends to get in the way..either that or arashi gets in the way...loll!

The right job for you:

You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

Oh crap. yeah..i do have like plenty of dream jobs..but my career path is pretty much undecided because i dont know what im looking for and what suits me..i dont wanna end up doing something i dont like or enjoy..

How do you view success:

You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

no comments for this. perhaps i'll look back on this in 5 years time and then i'll comment.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

true..i dont like knowing i have no control over how things happen..call me a control freak..loll! but i dont think the 2nd sentence realli applies..my anger is mainly due to my ill tempered personality..ahaha!

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

hmm..i dont know.

More personality tests!!

1. You are a very serious person. You tend to be quiet and well behaved, and you don't have a great deal of self-confidence. You prefer to be alone rather than with friends and that could make you a little less interesting to certain types of guys. You are very attractive in an individual kind of way, and this means it can take people a little while to get to like you.
2. You really care about other people's feelings and are quite serious about the issues that affect your life. You are sincere, and your concern for the well-being of others makes many people want to be your friend.
3. You are a bright, cheerful and bubbly person. You are thoughtful and considerate, and like to have fun. Everybody feels comfortable around you because of your pleasant nature. When you walk into a room, people's eyes are likely to be drawn to you because of your charm.
4. Guys see you as being a thinker and a careful person. They will be really attracted to this quality in you, but you need to learn to speak your mind, otherwise people will find you too shy and quiet. Learn to relax and lighten up--it's okay to have fun sometimes. When you learn to develop your fun-loving side, guys are going to flock to your side.
5. Your boyfriend believes that you are a strong and independent person. Your confidence and cheerfulness make you an attractive person to be around, but sometimes you need to pay more attention to what other people, including your boyfriend, are thinking.

My personality love style:

You desire a love that will last forever. You are quite serious about finding this type of love, and that's why you think carefully about the men that you meet before deciding whether you could really love them. You don't just develop a crush on someone overnight: you look at a person's personality and other aspects of their life before deciding to form an attachment. If a guy doesn't meet your expectations, you would rather be alone. Your love has to be perfect. Be careful though, you could be missing out on some worthy relationships because your standards are so high.

How much I value my friends?

You value your friendships: 60%

You love your friends very much - so much so that it's actually quite a worry. You may not be able to cope very well when you do lose somebody's friendship. You are a very sensitive and fragile person, and are therefore likely to get upset easily. You care for your friends and are willing to do anything that they ask you to do. Sometimes this can make your friends think that you are a bit of a nuisance. Nevertheless, people do really love you because your highest priority is your friends.

My jealousy level:

Jealousy Level: 65%

You are a jealous person but you try not to let it show

You often get very jealous of others but you are successful at controlling your emotions publicly. When you feel that other people are winning things that you deserve, you get very upset, but you won't hurt anybody else by making a scene. Your jealousy is private. You might, for example, cry yourself to sleep at night when you get really jealous of someone. (point to note here: I wont cry myself to sleep at night when im jealous!!!!)

and it happened again.

i noe baobei told me not to be bothered by them...but somehow i just cant help...like baobei said...perhaps there is a bit of jealousy..(crap)...but of what?

suddenly didnt feel like talking to them the moment i walked into the staff rm and saw them...havent spoken a word since i came in...to them at least..n nw theyve moved off once again to their very own place of haven: his seat...and left me alone in the entire staff rm..(thats onli cos we skipped out on morning assembly..=P)

i really dont want to like spoil my relationship with my fren most imptly...but i dont know really..

i felt very sick when i stepped in and saw them both...

i felt even sicker when i heard they bought mac breakfast for themselves...(prob nt bought by her..since she doesnt walk dat way...or mayb she walked dat way esp for him..if he was the one who requested for the breakfast...but where m i in this equation?...not wanted.)

if i had to have a theme song during tis period of time....its prob 'unwanted'....someone sing dat for mi pls?

on a brigher note...i recently discovered a new anime...vampire knight!loll!its realli quite intriguing...and of course the guys inside are very gd looking..(wad else!) so for the moment..while im waiting for arashi progs to dl...its vampire knight! and kaname-senpai! and zero!loll!

is it because i dont take the initiative?

or it because im not vulnerable, not girl enough?

or...is it because...im not easy to talk to? that i retort too much?

OR

it could be...i simply think too much and take things too seriously

now that's a really BIG or there..

what the hell is wrong with me?
it started with a whole lot of things and bubbled down to how im feeling rite nw..

recently, my fren has been getting rather close to the guy i used to like...or rather..i guess ive been mentally pulling away from him ever since i decided to stop liking him...ive been distancing myself..trying not to have so much contact with him...but i still treat him like a fren..

and then i realised when i peep over at my fren's com..cos i hear her laughing softly...and i see him talking to her..so i thgt nth of it..bt it went on for like the whole of last wk or so..and she often left her seat and floated over to his place and just left me alone..and when she knew i was clearly goin out in the afternoons...they had to watch the movies dat i wanna watch..it aint the 1st time theyve pang seh-ed me for a movie...anyway..wad was i sppsed to say rite..so i said go ahead..and she tells me im making it diff for her...HUH?!

okay..dat whole incident is over now..since we've cleared the air with one another....with her promising not to leave me out and with me promising not to ignore her when i feel left out...cos when i feel left out..i naturalli disengage myself frm the ppl invovled..

but!it happened again...last wk..i was realli frustrated but i didnt say anything...i just ignored the two of them as much as possible...

and yest we were talking (yesh the 3 of us) and then i said 'but you talk to her (i said her name in reality..but i just dont wanna mention it here) all the time' and he went 'so ure saying i dont talk to u la' and i went 'ya!u dont talk to me wad' and he said..'oh.so youre jealous la' and of course i said 'no. wads there to be jealous abt? ure nt exactly the perfect male specimen'

and it just suddenly struck me now (again)...cos im left alone while she floated and landed on his island...is wad im feeling realli jealousy? because i dont like him anymore..honest to god...i dont have the urge to want to talk to him etc...all the other things i felt for him before...ever since ive decided not to like him...i havent felt anything for him...am i being petty?that they dont include me in wad they do and wad they say...i mean..think abt it logicalli...is wad he has to say to her so specialised that it cn onli be said to her?

and another thing...she told mi she might like him as well..but shes nt sure...but sometimes she feels like hes treating her as a sub for the girl he likes..and she feels frustrated abt it..and doesnt want to see him...bt like 10 mins later..when he asks HER for lunch (note everyone: im sitting rite nxt to her) she agrees to go with him...like...erm...didnt u just say u didnt feel like seeing him?

so wad is this?jealousy?pettiness?

...............

just call me petty.i prefer it this way. i cant be jealous..theres nth to be jealous abt rite? i dont even like him anymore...i just HATE being left out...absolutely...reminds mi abt the time in JC when ming ignored me which led to me getting closer to my ex..

now that that's cleared..i noticed smthg abt myself..dat doesnt realli surprise me..or perhaps it does in a way...

i dont like competition. i dont respond well to competition. right when i suspected that she might like him and that he might like her instead....i became rather down..with my mood swings n all...which was abt the time i talked to ming..who told me it cld b a crush and nth more...and i thgt abt it gd and just decide to not like him...and nw dat i think back...i think i just decided to back out because i suspected she liked him and vice versa....like if theres a possible competition and im most prob nt gonna win it..i back out..to avoid being hurt in later stages...and even nw..if he asks HER, just her to go have lunch, breakfast, go buy shoes with him etc etc....i am very reluctant to go with them..one reason is becos i naturalli disengage myself frm the ppl who leave me out..and becos once again..i think i backed out...or rather i dont like to step in where im not wanted...and in this instance..i feel like im not wanted..alot of the time when they are together...so i just back away..since its not exactly a nice feeling to feel not wanted...

im one complicated person...

baobei...if ure reading..wad do u make of this?

sometimes...i just wish i was a normal-sized girl...so i can act like a girl wanting someone to protect her...instead of always pretending like i cn take care of myself..that i dont nd any guy to take care of me..or give off that vibe..

sometimes..i just wish i was a little more girlish than i m now..

on happier notes..

shukudaikun was LOVE!!!!i love the hypnosis game!!!that was absolutely brilliant..i wonder who thgt of it...sho or nino...loll! and aiba-baby..so naughty for suggestin sho show his left nipple...but he made every sho fan realli satisfied..ahahaha!!!!!oh man..i realli think they shld do the hypnosis game on every member..ahahaha!!!!its a great party idea too!